are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize