I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
