Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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