I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize