And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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