Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
