don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
