Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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