I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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