Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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