im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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