We won't sleep together?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
