my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
