If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize