I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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