Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
