I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
