There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
