I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
