you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
