I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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