He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
