you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
