Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
