Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
