he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
