my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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