Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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