Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
