I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
