I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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