she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize