I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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