He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
