I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
