Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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