why didn't you poke me back
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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