I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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