I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize