I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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