I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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