grandma shit on top of the toilet
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
