I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My hand turned me down
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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