I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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