Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
