this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize