I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i need some magic done to my vagina
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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