I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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