But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
