I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
