My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
