my phone needs a breathalizer
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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