bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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