why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
