ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
