Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
