just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
