I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
