just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
