I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I AM VODKA MAN
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize