theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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