thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
