I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
