So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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