i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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